What Keeps You Going When Your Brain Says Stop

Hey there, if you are new here, welcome! Maybe you found me through WeightWatchers and the training app I built or through Youtube or social media. If you haven’t checked it out, here is a free training app: wwstrength.lovable.app. I also have my own website where you can create habits and get text message check-ins: justinkompf.com.

Anyways, I am writing this piece in my favorite place: my great-grandmother's place in Vermont. Now, the house is owned by my great-aunt. It’s been in the family for 200 years at this point. My great-grandmother got it from her aunt for $1.00 (a gift, I believe). We would all kill for that housing market now!

Anyways, I’m here because yesterday I finished an 18-mile trail race in Vermont. I was the third leg in this 50-mile relay. I did the race last year, but I got pulled off at mile 7 because it was getting too dark. This year, I was determined to finish.

Now, I am going to be honest: I think this was the hardest physical thing I have ever done. I felt great for the first 6 or 7 miles. You could not have asked for a more beautiful course. Around mile 11, I was really feeling it, but luckily I got to see my dad, my cousins, and my #1 fan, Scout. Actually, it was really funny, I came running around a hill and saw them (most excited to see Scout, obviously). He got so excited, then genuinely concerned that I kept running down the trail without him.

As I mentioned, this was probably the toughest thing I have ever done physically. The distance plus the 2,000+ feet of climbing (that’s two Eiffel Towers stacked on top of each other, I looked it up) had me cramping up. Sometimes it was the quads, sometimes the hamstrings, and sometimes my calves.

And at some point on runs like these, your brain just tells you: “Stop.”

When your brain and your body are both telling you to stop, what keeps you going? What is that other part of you that insists on taking another step when things get hard?

And I don’t just mean physically. I mean any habit or change that takes real effort. The change that asks you to carve 30 minutes out of an already exhausting day, or the mental discomfort of saying no to late-night snacking when you’re stressed out.

So maybe it’s grit or mindset. But when we feel fractured, with one part of us screaming stop and the other part telling you ‘keep going”, what is actually happening?

When you’re trying to build a new habit or push through a hard moment, it’s easy to feel inner turmoil. I have a video on this concept using the classic elephant and rider metaphor 

When things are tough your brain can treat the decisions you are making as a cost-benefit analysis, or think of it as your valuation engine. 

Your brain wants to protect your energy and help you avoid discomfort. So when you are tired, overwhelmed or uncomfortable your brain rings an alarm. It looks at what you are doing and what you are feeling, the burning sensation in your legs as you run or the mental effort of exercising after a long day, and it issues a verdict that might sound like this: 

“This is a bad deal. We are expending lots of energy for zero immediate reward. Cancel the contract.”

Now, the other voice, the one that keeps you going, is your executive brain making a counter calculation. This executive asks: 

“Is the discomfort worth what we get on the other side?”

So think of this like a dialogue between your inner accountant and inner executive. When the cost outweighs the perceived value your accountant can pull the plug but when your executive reminds the accountant of the value you keep going. 

When I ask people why they want to make a change they often start out with some logical explanation. This is totally fair, they might not know me well enough to open up and say why change is really important. But if you are saying something like “I want to go out for a walk because I want to improve my cholesterol levels”. Well, you are being far too logical. That is logic devoid of meaning.

Here’s the problem: your internal accountant does not really care about that much. It does not tip the scales. When you are physically or mentally fatigued, logic gets you nowhere. It’s not enough to balance out acute discomfort.

What actually tips the scales is connection to identity and value.

Yesterday, when I was feeling discomfort I was also feeling determination. I had made a commitment last year that I was going to do this and that I was going to train for it. I wasn’t going to get pulled off. So I kept moving because crossing the finish line would be evidence that I am the kind of person who can improve and get better. I also love the adaptability of the human body. If you put yourself under a certain amount of stress you get better. Finishing is evidence that the stress I had been putting myself under got me this outcome. 

That identity had a higher value to me than the relief of stopping. So if you want to do difficult things you need to find a connection to a value and to a part of your identity. 

You don't need superhuman willpower to build consistency. And I will add, only put yourself in situations where you know you can succeed. For example, if this race was 50 miles, forget about it, I was not prepared for that. So only ever bite off what you can chew. 

But, the next time your brain starts lobbying for an easy way out, try this three-step shift:

Resistance is a part of the process. You are asking your brain and body to expend energy. Start by saying what you are feeling and acknowledge its existence and also recognize that it does not need to be automatically obeyed. 

When the cost feels high, elevate the value. Don't answer the resistance with generic goals like "losing 10 pounds" or "eating a healthier diet." Answer with identity. When I had two miles left in the race, Ashley, my wife, texted me and said “Hang in there! You are tougher than this race. Ava and I are cheering you on” (Ava is my soon to be born daughter, I’m sure she was clapping her little hands). 

As fatherhood has been rapidly approaching I think more and more about how I want to show up for her. I want her to see that her dad can do tough things because if she sees me do tough things, she will know she can do the same. That little message really kept me going at the end. My executive said, continuing this has meaning. 

If the valuation engine still says the task is too expensive, don’t abandon the habit, just shrink the cost. I talk about this all the time. Not all the changes we want to make culminate in an event like an 18 mile race.

If a 45-minute workout feels like an impossible mountain, agree to do 10 minutes. If cooking an elaborate healthy dinner feels overwhelming, make it simple. Not every decision needs to be a massive victory. Sometimes you just need to keep the momentum alive. 

Think about the one habit you’ve been negotiating with lately, the one where your brain constantly tries to talk you out of it before you even start.

What is the real, deeply personal reason that habit matters to you?

Not the textbook logical answer. If you are open to it, send back what you are trying to do and tell me why it’s deeply important to you. Then write it down for yourself. 

So, would love to hear from you, just hit reply and tell me: what’s the anchor that keeps you going when your brain starts asking to quit?

Last, we are so close to 500 subs! If this was helpful please consider sharing on your social media!

-Justin