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For 66 days, with very few misses, I practiced Portuguese for 15 minutes. My wife, Ashley, is Portuguese, and we're 6 weeks from having our first child. I want her (Ava) to grow up speaking it too. So the habit was connected to something that actually mattered to me, which helped.
I kept it going even on vacation and while traveling with my family. It has become close to automatic. It helped that I'd had a decent streak before, practicing 3-4 times a week, but I wanted to take it further.
The biggest lesson: always have a backup plan you can do no matter what. Travel was my #1 barrier, so flashcards on my phone became the fallback. Having multiple resources like an app, a tutor, a textbook, and a Portuguese-language book, helped too.
Even after the 66-day stretch ended, I've kept the habit alive about 9 out of 10 days. Not bad.
But when it ended, I made the mistake of trying to break three habits at once. Here's what I'm quitting, and what I've learned.
What I'm Trying to Quit
Pre-workout. Almost every workout I've done lately (read last few years) started with a large dose of caffeine. Sure, it helps a little with performance, but it had become almost a mental ritual. At $3/day, that's $75+ a month on something that wasn't doing me any favors. Better spent on a future day-care fund.
Seconds after dinner. I love a big dinner. I could go most of the day without eating, but when dinner comes, I want to eat. The problem is, eating two plates and going straight to bed isn't exactly a great plan.
Post-dinner snacks and sweets. Listed in order of difficulty, because this one's the hardest. Try telling yourself no to a sweet treat when your very pregnant wife asks you to grab her one. I'm not saying no to her, but I'd also developed a habit of snacking at 3am, which isn't doing me any good either. By the way, I had this habit long before she was pregnant.
What I Learned
Starting something that's a binary yes/no decision is relatively easy, especially when you shrink it down until it's nearly impossible to skip. That's part of why movement is easier to start than people think. Just start with 5 minutes of anything. Most of us can do that.
What you do is schedule it, then make it so easy you can't say no. I did that for Portuguese and barely missed a day.
Cutting the energy drink turned out to be simple for the same reason, it's a binary decision with zero social pressure. Nobody's trying to force-feed me a C4 (thank god). Still, I've slipped: if I'm working out early and the drink is right there, I've caved.
The other two habits have been more challenging to break. What I've noticed is that when something is convenient, socially linked, rationalized, or subconsciously performed, it's harder to break, and that's exactly where having a backup plan becomes non-negotiable. A few examples:
At a friend's birthday dinner, I knew cake was coming and said no because I'd committed ahead of time, and that made it easy. But at our third (yes, third) baby shower, I caved when the cake came out. What, I'm not going to have cake at my own baby shower? Plus I'd just run 14 miles the day before, let's be honest, I deserved it. See that? Classic brain rationalizing in real time, paired with socialization and convenience.
I've also learned that urges matter. When it came to Portuguese practice, I might not have felt like doing it, but I wouldn't call that an urge to skip it. But if I know a bag of mixed nuts is in my cupboard, nuts are one of my urge foods, I can eat 1,000 calories if I'm not careful. I'm going to feel an urge to get those nuts, and it's hard to extinguish the urge at the moment. Urges require alternative responses. For example, I could chug water with psyllium husk to fill me up instead (writing this just reminded me I need to buy some).
I've done well saying no to sweets right after dinner. But the hardest one is still the 3am snack. No game plan plus proximity, the kitchen sits right next to the bathroom, and when I'm half-asleep and hungry on the way back to bed, the food is right there.
So, Moving Forward
Some advice for me, but I think this could work for you.
First, don't try to do more than one thing at a time. Two might be fine, but I'd recommend sticking with one. I think if I'd just picked one of these three, my completion rate would be higher. There's also been an interesting "ah screw it" effect that happens because I’m trying to do three things at once. If I had an energy drink in the morning, technically that's a missed day, which in a weird way gave me mental permission to have a sweet treat later. Rationalizing again.
Next, if it's urge-based, I need something to block the urge besides willpower. It's also helpful to just not have the trigger in the house. Problem solved, if I want a sweet treat but don't have one, I can't have one.
Last, for social situations: have a plan, and have grace. I'm not going to skip cake entirely at our baby shower, but I'm also not having three slices. For other situations, I need a backup plan or a firm commitment going in. Saying no to dessert at a restaurant is usually easy for me, I'm ready to go home and would rather save the money (homebody + frugal helps). The problem is when it's right in front of me. So if that's the situation, I either need a backup plan or I need to just practice moderation.
I don’t think habits are made or broken on willpower alone. It’s because there is a system in place to support the decisions.
That's the idea behind the SMS habit coaching thing I've been building on my website. It’s what I use right now. It's designed to remind you and learn about the conditions under which you are successful and when you come up short. If you want a text message check in, try it out. I will say it works best if you are 100% committed to what you want to do. I’ve noticed some folks immediately stop, whereas I have other users who have been doing it for months. So if you want to commit, it’s worth checking out.
-Justin