Still Showing Up: Resilience and Choice

In some of my recent member calls; both one-on-ones and group sessions, I've noticed two recurring themes that I believe are deeply connected.

I've spoken with people who, despite major life setbacks, keep showing up and keep trying. A member who lost both parents within a short period of time. Another whose child is struggling with mental health. Another who recently took in three of her sister's children. These are not small things. These are life-altering disruptions, most of them completely outside their control, and yet these people are still here, still trying, and many of them are still succeeding.

That's strength. I'd define resilience as strength in the face of challenges, and what makes these members especially remarkable is that they're also willing to acknowledge what they're going through and ask for help. They recognize that they deserve to take care of themselves, even when life makes that hard.

If that's you, if you're carrying something heavy and still showing up, I want you to know: I see you, I'm genuinely impressed, and you are not alone.

Some members find themselves facing similar adversities, but instead of feeling resilient, they feel stuck. They wish they could change their habits, their behaviors, their sense of who they are.

I want to say something that might sound simple, but I mean it sincerely: even in the face of major life challenges, we still have a choice. We can do the things we know will help us or we can not do them. When we're stretched thin, grieving, injured, or putting everyone else's needs ahead of our own, that choice gets harder. But it doesn't disappear.

In a recent call, a member described herself as lazy. I asked her how she knew that was true. She said it was because, despite wanting to exercise, she hadn't done it. Here's what I told her: our behaviors shape our identities. Every time you act, or don't act, you're casting a vote for a belief about yourself.

I hope that feels liberating, because it means the opposite is also true. Every time you do something that reflects self-care and self-compassion, you're sending yourself a signal: I am someone who matters. I deserve care. I can take care of myself even when things are hard.

When we treat our own needs as optional, something to get to later, when things settle down, we're quietly voting for an identity we don't actually want. And those votes add up.

We all come from different backgrounds and face different obstacles, but I've learned from thousands of conversations that when someone does something good for themselves in a hard moment, it gets a little easier the next time. Our capacity to act with strength, even when it's difficult, is something we all share.

I believe in what's called positive regard, the idea that everyone is doing their best with the resources they have, and that when someone falls short, what they need is more resources, not criticism. And I believe those resources are built through action, one choice at a time.

So, to those of you who are pushing through obstacles: keep going. And to those who wish they could be different: remember that your consistent actions are the only thing that can make that wish real.

As always, reach out if I can help.

Justin

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