People tell me all the time that they struggle to put themselves first. The thought of taking time for themselves elicits a mixed bag of emotions. They feel guilty about doing it but also guilty about not doing it. People feel frustrated that they can’t prioritize themselves and they can also feel frustrated about all the things they need to do. That’s in the moment thinking, which can often hold us back. Here’s what to do instead.
When emotional resistance to change shows up and you're stuck between acting and avoiding, one question that can cut through the noise is this: How will I feel about this decision later? This is a technique I use with clients called the 10-10-10 rule. When you're facing a decision, you ask yourself three questions:
How will I feel about this choice in 10 minutes? How will I feel about it in 10 months? How will I feel about it in 10 years? The emotions you feel when thinking about change can be powerful detractors from action. Start by naming the emotion: fear, guilt, doubt, intimidation, and rate its intensity on a scale of 1 to 10. Then think about how difficult it would be to take the first step. That's your 10-minute assessment. Now project forward: if you consistently put yourself first, how would you feel in 10 months? What about in 10 years?
I often hear people say they're intimidated by the gym meaning they feel fear. They think they'll stand out, they think they don’t belong. I ask them: if you act consistently for 10 months, do you believe you'll still feel this way? The answer is almost always no, or at least not to the same degree. This is important because it reveals the experience as temporary, not permanent. Then comes the critical question: Are you willing to feel this emotion if acting will improve your life?
The framework works because it separates immediate emotions from long-term values. In the moment, skipping your workout or putting off other self-care tasks feels like relief. That's the 10-minute perspective. But extend the timeline and the calculation changes entirely. In 10 months, if you've been skipping consistently, you'll likely feel frustrated and wish you'd started earlier. In 10 years, the regret deepens. You'll look back and see not just months but years of capability you didn't build, experiences you didn't have, health you didn't protect.
Here's what makes the 10-year projection important, it highlights the natural declines in health that happen when you let the status quo continue. Without intervening effort, strength, aerobic capacity, energy, and body composition all decline. The gap between where you are and where you want to be doesn't stay the same, it widens.
This exercise is about recognizing that your present self and your future self often want different things. Your present self wants comfort, certainty, and the path of least resistance. Change is uncomfortable. It involves resetting expectations, setting boundaries, and putting yourself out there. But your future self wants growth, capability, and the life that emerges from sustained effort. The 10-10-10 rule helps you hear from that future version of yourself before it's too late to act on what they'd tell you.
Here's how to use it practically. When resistance shows up, when you're about to skip the behavior you know matters, pause. Don't fight the feeling. Just ask:
In 10 minutes, how will I feel if I don't do this? You'll probably feel relieved and you might even justify skipping. Now ask: what if I act instead? One of my favorite things people tell me is "you never regret a workout." I’ll echo that to all self-care tasks. We don’t regret the things that help us grow and give us energy.
Now ask: in 10 months, how will I feel if this becomes my default pattern? If you keep choosing short-term comfort, where does that lead? Frustration? Regret? Stagnation? You'll likely be in the same place, wishing you'd started sooner. In 10 years, what will I wish I had done today? Time is going to pass no matter what, the things you do today matter because they set you up for who you are going to be. Ten years feels distant until it shows up. The person you'll be a decade from now is shaped by the choices you make today. What do you want to be able to tell them?
Your future self is counting on the decision you make right now. Not because they need you to be perfect, but because they need you to start. Ten years from now, you won't regret the discomfort you felt today. You'll only regret the action you didn't take!
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Justin
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